A few months ago, I realized I’ve been holding onto some resentment towards being single, despite being single for most of my life. With few single friends in my inner circle, those closest to me either pitied me, told me to try harder, or offered empty reassurances.
I began to question why being single seemed to define me in my own eyes as well as others’, and why societal influences regarding singlehood seemed more negative than positive. Tired of the negativity, I determined to change my perspective and focus on the positives of singlehood.
Here’s what I learned:
Stigmas that come with being single.
Whether intentional or not, there are stigma’s that come with being single – especially after we reach a certain age. Women feel this pressure earlier. Typically women around their mid-20’s to mid-30’s are most discontent with their status if they are single around this time.
My, isn’t this a timely post for me…
But we all must face the stigmas sooner or later. These stigmas affect the way singles are treated or viewed in society regardless of age. Common misconceptions include labeling singles as lonely or implying that something must be wrong with them. These negative stereotypes not only impact the way society perceive singles, but also the way we view ourselves when we are single. Comments like, “this only temporary, you’ll find someone soon” or “if put yourself out there more, you’d find someone” reinforce negative beliefs by subtly suggesting that being single isn’t okay. It’s not that the person who voices these words doesn’t mean well, but let’s be honest, they aren’t very helpful.
I also realized that it’s not always the negative influences of society that makes us question our happiness when we are single. If we constantly surround ourselves by happy couples, it can make our situation extremely difficult to for us to bear and result in us feeling inadequate. More often than not, we compare our situation to theirs and wonder if we will ever find our own “happy ending”.
Being single and happy makes it more likely for us to find a more fulfilling relationship in the long run.
When I challenged my mindset on singlehood, I asked myself – if I don’t know how to be happy and fulfilled when I’m alone, can I truly make someone else happy?
I didn’t like the answer I arrived at.
From then, I became a firm believer that you can be happy even when you are alone. Now, don’t misunderstand this as me saying that I want to be single forever. While I want to find my own person, I don’t want to be so consumed with searching that I miss the chance to enjoy being alone and getting to know myself.
Before diving into relationships, I believe it’s vital to find happiness within ourselves. I don’t know about you, but for me, constantly seeking validation or hoping for someone to break my “dry spell” hindered my ability to be genuinely content with where I am in life.
So, instead of scrolling through dating apps and looking around for a potential matches, I’m choosing to focus my energies on passion projects and other things that make me happy. I want to look back on this time in my life and know that I made the most of it. Besides, studies suggest that happier people tend to enter fulfilling relationships. And who doesn’t want that?
Start small on your journey to finding contentment while single.
We are all different. What looks like contentment and happiness to me, may not be the same for you. But there’s strength in numbers, right? Just because it’s an individualized journey doesn’t mean others can’t relate. There are lots of people, including me, who are willing to offer you support on your journey as we embark on our own.
Tips to being happy alone.
So, in honor of helping you take your first few steps, I’ll share some helpful tips with you that I have learned on my own journey.
- Embrace self-love by lifting yourself up and finding reasons to appreciate who you are.
- Surround yourself with happy singles to boost your own positivity.
- Minimize negative influences, including setting boundaries with married or dating friends to stay focused on own your path.
- Pursue activities that bring you joy whether you’re alone or with like-minded individuals, to savor life’s moments.
- Treat yourself well and invest time in relationships with friends, family, and your community. Time is on your side now; make the most of it.
Be present in your life.
Today we are single, tomorrow we may not be. Instead of constantly longing for the future, let’s embrace singlehood and find joy in the present. Whether single life is temporary or desired, let’s enjoy it. There’s nothing wrong with being single; revel in it and trust that the right time for change will come.
Go ahead girl. Say it loud, say it proud –
I AM SINGLE.
Until next time,
~Juu~
